Congratulations. Your Daughter Almost Graduated.


Collegiate Admissions Office
PD-34, Bldg 302, Rm. 432

Re: Expulsion

Dear Parent:

As you know, your daughter has been enrolled as a full-time student in our institution of higher learning for several months now. Regretfully, we must unequivocally request that she now withdraw from our university.

...We might have worked things out more reasonably had your daughter cooperated with the campus police when they asked her to put on some jogging shorts and a school t-shirt. Regrettably, your daughter was prepared for this contingency. She handcuffed her left arm to the classroom radiator and her right arm to the Geography professor, Mr. Thompson. She also managed to handcuff her right leg to Mr. Thompson. Thus, making it impossible for the police to put any clothes on her.

...So, let me say in advance for when she finally graduates, if she ever does --
Congratulations on Graduating! I’m sure that someday she’ll do great in law school.



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Congratulations. Your Son Almost Graduated.


Collegiate Admissions Office
PD-34, Bldg 302, Rm. 432

Re: Expulsion

Dear Parent:

Your son has been enrolled as a full-time student in our institution of higher learning for several years now. Regretfully, we must unequivocally request that he now withdraw from our university. Although graduation is close at hand, it is a goal that your son simply cannot attain at our school.

...However, even the grand-theft auto charges were relatively insignificant compared to what followed.

...We’re still not sure how he got the organ in the trunk of the Dean’s sedan. However, we do know what he did with the organ.

...Your son followed the goat’s example every step of the way and was found naked with rose pedals in his mouth, passed out on the mayor’s lawn with his livestock.

So, let me say in advance... --
Congratulations on Graduating! I’m sure he’s got a great career in politics ahead.



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