Congratulations. Your Son Almost Graduated.

Collegiate Admissions Office
PD-34, Bldg 302, Rm. 432

Re: Expulsion

Dear Parent:

Your son has been enrolled as a full-time student in our institution of higher learning for several years now. Regretfully, we must unequivocally request that he now withdraw from our university. Although graduation is close at hand, it is a goal that your son simply cannot attain at our school.

...However, even the grand-theft auto charges were relatively insignificant compared to what followed.

...We’re still not sure how he got the organ in the trunk of the Dean’s sedan. However, we do know what he did with the organ.

...Your son followed the goat’s example every step of the way and was found naked with rose pedals in his mouth, passed out on the mayor’s lawn with his livestock.

So, let me say in advance... --
Congratulations on Graduating! I’m sure he’s got a great career in politics ahead.