Congratulations. Your Daughter Almost Graduated.

Collegiate Admissions Office
PD-34, Bldg 302, Rm. 432

Re: Expulsion

Dear Parent:

As you know, your daughter has been enrolled as a full-time student in our institution of higher learning for several months now. Regretfully, we must unequivocally request that she now withdraw from our university.

...We might have worked things out more reasonably had your daughter cooperated with the campus police when they asked her to put on some jogging shorts and a school t-shirt. Regrettably, your daughter was prepared for this contingency. She handcuffed her left arm to the classroom radiator and her right arm to the Geography professor, Mr. Thompson. She also managed to handcuff her right leg to Mr. Thompson. Thus, making it impossible for the police to put any clothes on her.

...So, let me say in advance for when she finally graduates, if she ever does --
Congratulations on Graduating! I’m sure that someday she’ll do great in law school.