Health Insurance Denied: Too Many Rubbing Freezers


Re: Health Insurance Application Denial

Dear Applicant:

Our name may be unfamiliar, but United Health Insurance Underwriters underwrites health insurance for many carriers around the nation. ...Unfortunately, we cannot accept your application for health insurance...

...In your application, you indicated that you have been smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, since you were four years old. We initially thought all the black resin in your lungs was just from your six years working in a coal mine...

...Your taste for a “Rubbing Freezer” as you put it (rubbing alcohol, anti-freeze, and a splash of 7-Up) is not only unusual, but highly lethal...

Lastly, we do not consider “alligator wrestling,” “timed bomb defusing,” or...

Based on the above, your HRI score, on a scale of 1 to 100, came out to about 246...

We have one policy that we can offer. Our Knockin’ on Death’s Door health plan... No agent will visit you. We’ll just send you the form and a bill.




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